The original intent of my blog was to be fun, light, and entertaining, but it's MY blog and I sometimes need to write about serious stuff for me...so there!
The past two weeks have been a roller coaster of thoughts, emotions, and events and I'm having a hard time processing it. It started with losing a job I loved working with residents who meant quite a bit to be. I truly took my relationships with them seriously and enjoyed being a part of their lives. On top of that, I had a terrific set up with the day care for my twins. They loved their friends and teachers. It amazed me every day what they experienced and learned there. Now, do I think the twins leaving a day care at this age will have a detrimental emotional impact on them? Um, no. This is a serious post, but even I'm not that Schmaltzy. I do, however, am sad that they are missing out on the learning opportunities that that particular place gave them. As I watched them sit and listen to a speaker at the Children's Museum yesterday I found myself feeling guilty for putting myself in a position to lose the opportunity for them to be exposed to so many wonderful things. How's that for Mommy guilt, eh? Feeling guilty for NOT having your kids in day care. Watching them sit there and actually seem to crave the structure of sitting and quietly learning something (about how scientists discovered a sunken cannon, btw) made me question if trying to stay home with them is even a good idea to explore. Originally, I thought this might be a great opportunity to do so, but how can I provide them with structure and learning, and stimulate them when I feel like I'm spending the whole day just trying to keep them from sitting on the dog while I load the dish washer?!
I have an interview today...and I'm nervous. I haven't been nervous about an interview since I was a new grad. They are going to ask about why I'm not working. I don't know what to say, but it's going to have to be somewhat of a lie. I hate lying. So I'm nervous. I'm also nervous because that means I have to get serious about working again. I have allowed myself to float in a fantasy that I may stay home with the twins and I've loved it so much the past two weeks. Annnnd them I'm back around to questioning if that's even the best thing for them anyway.
So, now you've ridden my roller coaster with me. I'm not even going to proof read this because it's been just therapeutic for me to get this all out. Besides, I figure no one's reading this new but neglected blog anymore anyway.
"...but how can I provide them with structure and learning, and stimulate them when I feel like I'm spending the whole day just trying to keep them from sitting on the dog while I load the dish washer?!" Would you be loading the dishwasher at that time if you were working outside the home. No. Then why not consider taking care of the twins your "job". Get up the same time you would if you were going to work. Take your shower before the twins get up. Plan what you three will do during the day ahead of time. Spend some time each day doing some fun learning. Sing together. Pretend play together. Then when they take their nap, you can load the dishwasher and do other chores around the house that you wouldn't be able to get done during the day if you were working outside the home. They will benefit from having you home with them. Kids don't need to do a lot of structured learning at that age. They just need to be kids, have fun, and feel loved.
ReplyDeleteYou are beating yourself up about something over which you have no control or information. No matter what you decide now you will discover in 10 or more years that you did not choose the "optimum" solution. I think you and the twins will be fine. Do what you think best. However, I am an old male chauvinist feminist and prefer the mother to sty home with the kids and that Dad do his half of the child rearing. BTW my sister called her twin boys thing 1 and thing 2.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Wayne, I like your perspective. After number crunching and some soul searching, I am trying this SAHM thing. Hey, my mom did it, so it's gotta be a good thing, right?!
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